Okay so this last week of the challenge was, I must admit, very taxing on my husband and I. Whenever something is going so well, the enemy always tries to come in and destroy everything. He almost won, but I have bigger fists.

It’s been awhile since my husband and I had gotten into a “big” fight (eh uh) “discussion”. Of course, when things are going so well and when I’m trying to put in so much into my relationship, things go sour. Sometimes even trying to have a good attitude about things doesn’t cut it. Fights are bound to happen sooner or later. That’s normal. You can go from being the closest, to being the most distant. A lot of it had to do with the fact that we were both so busy this past week and didn’t see much of each other. For some reason, that always does it for us. Now, looking back, what we fought over was something so stupid. So not worth it. We both got defensive against one another because we weren’t remembering to communicate effectively. There’s such a difference in ways to communicate. Especially between a man and a woman. We just think so differently and we have to accept that. What I may think is a big deal, may be insignificant to him and vice versa. There were things that I needed that he wasn’t giving to me. There were things he needed me to communicate to him in order to understand things that I didn’t realize. I just “thought he knew them already”. Because we are so close and know each other so well, we know exactly what to say to hurt the other person. We hurt and become hurt so much easier.

How we reacted to one another this time around was needless to say, embarrassing. It just kept building till it escalated to the point we thought of no return. It was like we both got caught in a whole new realm. Completely exhausted and in a stage of delirium that lasted an entire day of not talking to one another. That’s such a big mistake. You HAVE to talk. In my head, I was always the first to approach him after we fought in the past. I wanted him to approach me this time. I needed that. When I didn’t get that, and couldn’t stand the avoiding each other anymore, I just had to talk to him. Sometimes you just have to come to the realization, your marriage is way more important than who’s right or wrong, or who’s going to apologize first. You have to constantly remind yourself every argument…

MY MARRIAGE IS MORE IMPORTANT TO ME THAN THIS.

You have to step back out of the moment and think, “Do I love him/her?”, “Can I live without him/her?”. Ok, so I love him. I can’t live without him. Well, why the heck am I still fighting or ignoring him? No matter who’s the wrong or right one in the situation, we are ONE.  I have to fight through what I naturally want to do and tell myself, we are bigger than this. Our marriage and love is bigger than this moment.

As much as I didn’t understand why I had to almost spell out everything I needed from him and explain why I acted the way I did, that’s what he needed. He completely misunderstood me and I him. We have so much more control than we think in any given situation. We are all vulnerable to stresses in life and we are all susceptible to “bouts of insanity”. It’s human nature. We just have to constantly walk in strength and forgiveness, and loving one another through it. We have to constantly remind ourselves of the “bigger picture” and our TRUE priorities.

I had to literally explain everything I was expressing to him and why. Inside, it aggravated me, but once I broke through that, stubborn walls began to come down. I was able to see through his stubborn, hard-headed, angry behavior and see the man I love. I had to get to the root of what made me so angry and what made him so angry. If we are genuine with one another and walk in forgiveness and kindness, good things will happen and understanding will happen.

Sometimes we get so overwhelmed and think there is no way out and lose sight of the control that we possess. God gives us the ability to make life what we want it to be, through His will. It’s all about perspective. We can choose to view things negatively and give in to negative thoughts, or we can choose to view things how they need to be. We can look at the current circumstance and become bogged down with what it seems to be or we can CHOOSE to make it how it should be, how we want it to be. Sure, I can stay in my thoughts of “I’m right”, “It’s not fair”, “He needs to do this”, or I can just get over it and put my marriage first. As much as I want to just give up, I have to say “no”. I REFUSE to give into lies that ruminate in my head. Whether I choose to be the more mature one and apologize first or vice versa, we are in this together and we will LEARN from the other. Showing love isn’t just for the easy times. That’s not TRUE love. Love isn’t variable, its constant. We can’t pick and choose when or how deep to love. It has to stay constant through the good and the bad.

Because I chose to put my marriage over my pride (my needs and negative thoughts), and treated him how I was desiring to be treated, we were both quickly humbled. We allowed ourselves to be vulnerable to one another again. Now, after our tough tiff, things are great. Why? Because we choose every day, every moment, how we want our marriage to be. Will there be more tough times? Of course, but our response to those times define our love and commitment to one another. Happiness doesn’t always just happen, it is created because WE create it.

So here’s to not only 30 more days, but a lifetime of changing, creating, and loving.

I love you Kristopher and I will fight with you and for you for the rest of our lives.