It wasn’t until recently that God took me deeper to a more full understanding of what it means for Him to be the bread of life. This past year He’s brought me to a place of revelation in Him that has been unimaginable. He took me to that place even without fasting. 

Growing up in church, there was always a communal concept of fasting. If the church fasted, you fasted. I always went into it just out of obedience and a good heart for expectation. I have had deep healing encounters doing it. However, because my foundation of fasting in my personal experience came from man’s perspective and the obedience of man (unintentionally of course), I never fully understood the depth of what it could bring to my life. Months back I had a friend ask me what I thought about fasting. I said, “it’s all in how God leads you.” I explained (based on my recent experiences) that it wasn’t an absolute necessity in a deep encounter with God, but an added bonus if He leads you to do it. In essence, it wasn’t that I was incorrect….

HOWEVER, don’t ever rely on your own perspective of God. You end up putting limitations on His goodness and presence over your life. God is ALWAYS wanting to bring you deeper and experience something so beyond what you can ever imagine. Once you think you have an understanding, you don’t. Ha, lean not on your own understanding right? It’s because HE HAS MORE. A month ago God told me clear as day one morning when I woke up, “I need you to fast today”. I had just gotten back from an early morning workout and I WAS STARVING. I love food. I replied back with, “Heh??? You said what?? God, you do realize I’m starving already.” He so peacefully said, “you have to trust Me.” To be honest, I started to question whether or not it was God. It was like I was putting myself in a denial of deciphering His voice because of my own doubts of me not being able to hold out on eating that day. You guys, my body was use to eating every couple of hours. I’m not a faster. I continued to be in denial about His voice and made my lunch for the day to bring with me for work. As I was driving down my street, I was listening to instrumental worship like I normally do when I pray. I started to talk to Him again. Once again He said, “fast today.” Immediately I started to worry about how I would get through the day without food. I’m an infusion nurse. I stick people with needles at work. I have to be able to focus and not pass out lol. I was thinking, “I’ll fast on the weekend when I don’t have to do anything.” There I go, trying to manipulate God’s voice around my own timing and convenience. Again He said, “you’re not trusting.” I reminded myself something He told me a year ago, “worry equals doubt.” As I was praying for continued clarity (yes I was THAT worried and in denial), I looked down at the title of the song that was playing. It conveniently said “Always Trusting.” WOW. Okay God, I hear ya. That was my “in the natural” sign that convinced me that my denial and worry was holding me back from what God was trying to show me. When you push through your worry and doubt, because “in your weakness He is perfect”, and continue to try and listen, He proves to you He is ever present in your time of need. 

I then knew what I had to do. God told me to drop off my lunch to my husband at his work and move on with my day. He knew that the full testing of my faith in Him was to remove the temptation of doubt by keeping my lunch with me. It was for my “just in case God changed His mind” moment. Haha 🤦🏼‍♀️. The hunger pains at this point were so strong I started to have sweat beads of worry leaking from my forehead. You see, it’s not that we’re not going to have or always overcome our doubt. We can’t on our own. It’s not about trusting in our power and will, but trusting in His. In our obedience to trust Him is where He shows up. I kept praying for Him to take the hunger away. My hunger was still present, but within the hunger I felt a peace. I just kept going to Him when I felt I couldn’t bear it. Can I tell you, the moment I dropped my lunch off to my husband, as soon as I let go of my lunch bag, an overwhelming calm came over me. The hunger in that moment went away. It was a confirmation to me that He was there and He was going to help me get through. 

That hand over of my lunch was symbolic of me handing over my natural inclination to doubt. It was a complete surrender of myself and my body to Him and His ways. I have to let myself go so I can let God do what He wants to do. It was like the deepest “aha” moment for me. Fasting is a love gesture to God to hand over yourself fully to Him. I thought I knew that, but until you’re obedient to Him instead of what man always does, that’s when He reveals the “why” behind it all. When the hunger pains (aka weakness of the flesh/natural) came, it became an in the moment reminder to go to His Spirit to help me get through. That was the true representation of Him calling Himself the “bread of life”. 

He’s always trying to wake us up to that revelation. He’s trying to say, stop focusing on the doubt and fear that life brings. Fear brings death to you and your spirit. This body and this current life is a blip compared to His promises and plan for His kingdom. He’s always trying to blend His presence and kingdom with us here in the natural. We have access to it here and now if we surrender to it. We have to go to Him humbled, repentant, willing, and trusting. He can’t give me the good in Him if I’m not willing to surrender the bad and flawed in me. He doesn’t ever want to bring us shame about it either. He just wants to give us His goodness, His understanding, and His life. He is the bread of life. He is all we need. 

Can I tell you, I made it the entire day on water and His presence. When I had moments of weakness I went to Him. I read His Word. I was tuned into His voice. He gave me so much back in return for the exchange of my weaknesses. I surrendered my weakness to Him and He gave me strength and goodness. How great of a deal is that?! He gave me understanding to things I had been seeking clarity on for over 8 months all in one day. All because I fully relied on Him. 

God isn’t trying to deprive us. It’s not about surrendering ourselves to take away from ourselves. It’s so He can add more. His plans and will are always better than what we have. We can never know or understand all even if we spend every day of our waking life trying to learn. His ways are higher. We have to stop trying to seek out answers only from the things we see or can tangibly touch. HE IS THE ANSWER. Don’t just take my word for it. Seek Him for yourself. I promise you, He’s going to show up. You just have to let go and pursue Him. 

Now here I am today, fasting again after Him telling me last night to do so. I’m actually excited instead of nervous. He’s removed my doubt and replaced it with expectation. People ask me when I have time to spend time with Him. Thing is, I don’t think about it anymore. I no longer have to “make” myself do it. I CRAVE His presence. I can’t be without it now. It’s because the more I gave myself to Him, the more He gave Himself to me. That’s the place where I will never shut up about trying to get people to be at. It’s because I know when you get to that place, your perspective of the world will drastically change. You guys, His love is SO INCREDIBLE. He’s real. He’s here. He’s waiting to love on you. Pursue Him.